Microwave for One
Microwave for One
WTAJFC…
3.0 out of 5 stars Buy this book, or don’t, I don’t care anymore
By Michael Pemulis
It used to be that I got home from work and the only thing I’d want to put in my mouth was the cold barrel of my grandfather’s shotgun. Then I discovered Sonia Allison’s Chicken Tetrazzini, and now there are two things.
3.0 out of 5 stars This book changed my life
By Drew
“Microwave for one” is not just a cookbook. It’s a lifestyle. Sonia Allison gave me the confidence I needed to rebuild my life. Why be a slave to the need to ” try?” Why succumb to society’s pressure to ” care.” After following her guided tutorial, ” how to just give up in 60 seconds or less” I was ready commit 100% to the program. Soon I was popping pop corn and boiling water. Without even realizing it I was not only becoming an amazing chef, I was growing as a person. With out the burden of a life out side of my apartment, I can finally lead the life I am meant to…alone… in the dark…crying into a bowl of instant grits. Do yourself a favor. Buy this book and never look forward again!
5.0 out of 5 stars The perfect cookbook for the single life.
By Kristopher Brandon Sheikh
Before this book, preparing food was a long and tedious task. Now I can prepare delicious meals for myself in no time at all. I now have much more time to get drunk and curse my ex and then weep uncontrollably in a corner.
5.0 out of 5 stars A Requiem for Frozen Food.
By Anarasha
This. Book. Rocks!
Having been a sad, lonely geek living off of food I found on the street(my favourite being only slightly wet, half-eaten pizza slices) as well as boiling my own waste for maximum use of nutritional values in food, this book severely changed my way of looking at food.
I no longer have to eat my slightly wet, half-eaten slices cold! THEY CAN BE WARM! Does anyone know that warm pizza is awesome?? Someone should market that!I don’t believe that mere non-lyrical words can describe the epicness that is this book, so I wrote a poem:
A Requiem for Frozen Food:
Let me tell you of a box,
as white as winter snow.
With plates of glass and waves of warmth,
that heats my pizza slice.Even though it’s from the sewers,
left by drunken ninja turtles.
Now my pizza’s warm and gentle,
scalds my lips and drowns my tears.Lonely paths of frozen hearts
I tread and gaze upon the souls,
people I can never join with,
who will never take me in.Society and friends alike,
all they turn their backs on me.
“Why?” you ask, why must I suffer?
The wickedness of my abhorrent life.But as I was about to end it,
hang myself in dirty laundry,
a light shone bright and made me smile,
the white box blasts its waves at my food,
warming it and cradling me.
And sings for me a requiem.
A requiem for frozen food.——————————————————————–
Thank you, Microwave for One. You saved my life!
5.0 out of 5 stars This book continues to change my life day after day.
By El Jefe
A few years back, I received an email from a nice Nigerian fellow who informed me that I inherited a $20 million from a late uncle that I never knew that I even had who was a petroleum engineer in Nigeria.
It was legit. I asked my mom about him and she denied it, but I knew she was just being coy and trying to keep me away from the family fortune. My mom is a sneaky woman. So I asked my father about him and he too denied it. He also went on to say that the whole thing was a scam. Joke’s on him though, because Prince Uchidi is for real. My parents are idiots and they won’t get anything from me after I get my cash. For my own piece of mind, I talked at length to the Prince about my late uncle and he told me about how my mother and uncle had an affair, manufactured and distributed crystal methamphetamine, but later had a falling out because my mother got all preggers with me and it was getting in the way (in more ways than one, I guess.) With my late uncle being a petroleum engineer and all, it makes perfect sense that he was so good at making meth. Sweet, delicious, burning meth. It also might explain my dependency on meth since birth. Delectable, mouth watering, painful meth. Either way, my folks can bite me, I aint giving them nothing when I get it.
Now fast forward to the present day. I am still waiting for Prince Uchidi to come through with my loot, but I am confident he will in due time. Anyway, since I have sent all of my money to him (and I continue to do so,) I had to make some financial adjustments here and there. Due to what doctors call a “full blown meth addiction”(?), I had a few medical problems to deal with, too. So I decided to donate blood, and that’s when doctors discovered all of the holes in my legs that I picked at relentlessly because of all of the bugs that were crawling on me after being up for five days. Everyone knows that when you stay up for long periods of time, you emit an odor that bugs flock (or crawl) to. Long story short, they cut off my legs because some of the open sores had become gangrenous. I was finally freed of my walking devices. Those pesky legs did nothing but attract bugs anyhow. So I sold my car for some cash and built a skate-crate. Basically, I took an old skateboard and bolted a milk crate to it. One day I plopped the upper half of my body into my skate-crate and paddled down the road to the public library. The trucks are quite loose and I fell over a few times, but after four hours to travel two miles, I finally made it. And I am so glad that I did.
That’s when I found this book. I checked it out thinking it’d come in handy since I couldn’t reach the refrigerator any longer, and my microwave lies neatly on my living room floor next to all of my other sundries and nick-nacks. Sweet Jeebus. This is the best book ever written, hands down. My usual nightly diet of Ramen and tears has since been coupled with such delights as Taquito Banditos and Duck Confit. Her recipe for Menudo is to die for. I am pretty certain that it’s 100% authentic too, as they’ve been using microwaves in Mexico for the last eight centuries or so. But what’s even more crazy is that Sonia Allison isn’t even Mexican. She must just have a knack (or gift as I prefer to call it) for helping upstanding (no self-pun intended), self-reliant members of society to better themselves.
And cook a few things along the way.
Meth.
